The Poet, Christina Rossetti said, “Better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad.”
As I was reading this quote last week in a novel, I couldn't help but think of my mom. During her lifetime, she has had her share of sorrow. I think the hardest thing my mom had to live through was the death of my brother, her only son, in 1996. Even though, mom and her siblings were abandoned by their father when she was just 6 years old, the trauma of losing my brother was far, far greater. It is my thinking that she began to suffer from depression, which can be a part of dementia, from the death of her beloved son. My brother's name was David, which means "beloved." Many times as I was growing up, I thought that mom loved David more. I guess I had the Tommy Smothers' feeling of "Mom loved you best", as he would banter with his brother Dick on TV. David looked like mom, he had the leadership qualities she still has and he was a quick thinker,just like mom!
Now that mom has dementia, she doesn't remember that David is gone. She will ask me where David is. Rather than tell her that he died, which would be a very cruel thing, I tell her, "He is at home." This is true, as he is in his heavenly home.
Then she will smile. I know that she is happy and content at this stage of her life. I have often prayed that God would take mom to heaven so that she will not have to go through the very last stage of this disease. God is in control of the days we spend here on earth and I know that He will take her to be with Him at the PERFECT time and not one second before. I don't understand from my perspective why God would allow her to continue to live with so much confusion, but I have learned that that is not my concern. He has His reasons which may or may not be revealed to me when I get to heaven.
So when I read that quote, I smiled. It gave me comfort to know that mom is happy. Dementia may not be such a bad thing. She doesn't remember any of the things in her life that has caused her pain.
Sometimes I think about what I may be like when I get to be her age. Will I be lucid like my father or will I have dementia like my mom? Someone whose mom also has dementia asked me if I was worried about getting it. I told her no. I do worry about a lot of stuff, but dementia is not one of them. There is a test that is being developed to determine whether a person will get this disease. Why would anyone want to know? The theory is so that the person can plan for their future care. Since God is in control of all of my care, then no test is needed. :)
2 comments:
That is a good quote and very true. We spend too much of our time fixated on things that have made us sad before instead of being happy with now. In so many ways, grandma is in a better place WITH her "disease" than she ever was before. She likes going out now. She smiles more. She doesn't sit around watching the news on tv and worrying about every little thing that doesn't matter. So, I agree with you.
Yeah, I really liked the way Christina Rossetti phrased the words. I kept thinking about the words and decided to write about it.
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